Self-Worth and Ministry

Being born in October, I entered kindergarten as a four-year-old and, as a result, I wasn’t as physically or intellectually capable as the other students. In fact, I didn’t feel like I was able to, in some sense, catch up, until I was in high school. Anyway, on one overcast third-grade day, my teacher told the class that we were all good in something. She said that some were good in math, perhaps others were good in reading, some good at running, others good at baseball, and so on. By “good” she meant that everyone had something in which they were better than others. But as she went through the list, I realized that I wasn’t better than anyone at anything. 

(By the way, although I was sad at the time, this wasn’t a bad thing—God used it for my good, but that’s a story for another time.)

The reason I tell you this is that my third-grade teacher’s perspective was, and always has been, the worldly point of view. What I mean is this: the way humans try to feel good about themselves, try to muster some self-worth, is to think that they are better than others in some way. Thus people think they are good because they are smarter than others, richer than others, more successful than others, better parents than others, or because they have bigger biceps or breasts or bank accounts than others. Now the real worldly winners, at least in the short term, are those who can cobble as many of these things together as possible. Namely, the biggest “winners” are those who are smart, successful, rich, famous, AND have smoking-hot bodies. 

Some may object that they are only proud of their success, not of being better than others, but note C. S. Lewis’s astute observation in Mere Christianity:

Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. [1] 

Ultimately, this way of feeling good about ourselves is doomed to failure because our brains will slowly stop, our bodies will sag and finally rot, and we can’t take our money with us. Also, none of these things is inherently valuable in the first place—and most people, in their quiet moments, know it (that’s why many people avoid quietness). 

Those of us in Christian ministry are not immune to the worldly point of view, so often our first question has to do with “how many.” “How many come to hear your Bible study or church?”; “How many degrees do you have?”; “How many honors have you accumulated?”; “How many books have you written or sold?”; “How many stations are you on?”; and so on. By the way, the famous first question asked at any pastor’s conference is, “How many attend your church?” 

All this can be incredibly harmful, as James explains (3:13-16): 

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 

What James tells us here is one reason, perhaps the major reason, why so many Christian leaders one day are caught doing something spectacularly sinful is they allowed jealousy and selfish ambition to reign in their hearts. In short, they were on the world’s standard and the lust for success led to more lust (this is also one reason so many prominent business leaders and politicians can’t seem to keep their pants on). The desire to be a famous author or to be the pastor of a mega-mega-church, of itself, is no more spiritual than desiring to be a famous movie star or sports star or the president of a Fortune 500 company. 

I started off my Christian ministry this way. After I decided to enter the ministry I envisioned my career path: youth minister at a mega-church, associate pastor at a mega-church, pastor at a mega-church, and then, one day, pastor of an even bigger mega-church. Well, while I was in seminary I became a youth minister in a church that had a weekly attendance of about 12,000. Check. And, indeed, I thought I was on my way. Although I really did want to please the Lord, I also wanted to be sought after; I wanted the praise of men and women. But the result was that lust, envy and bitterness abounded. Thankfully, however, while still a youth minister the Lord sternly disciplined me (also a story for another time) in a way that revealed to me my folly, so I quit that church! 

So what should we do? 

What works best for me is realizing, and then focusing on, that at the last Day only one opinion matters—God’s. We work for Him. 1 Cor. 4:1-5: 

So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.  

We must beware that we can do a lot of right things for the wrong motives, which will profit us nothing (1 Cor. 13:1-3). Also, the Lord doesn’t care about how many awards we win or honors we receive. That is the worldly point of view. He cares about what’s on the heart. As Paul put it, we must not “take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart” because that is the “worldly point of view” (2 Cor. 5:12, 16). 

Of course, I’m not saying that I never struggle with staying off the worldly point of view—I do! But that’s the point, isn’t it? I’m struggling to keep my eyes on pleasing God and loving His people. 

2 Cor. 10:12: “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 

Amen.

[1] C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan, 1958), 95.