Another thing that fuels lust is our basing our self-worth on worldly standards. If we are not going to find value in our relationship to God, then we will base it on what the world values.
What does the world value?
The world says you are valuable if you are attractive, or intelligent, or strong, or personable, or rich, or powerful, or a good fighter, etc. Very few people have all of these so most people go with whatever of these they can muster. “I’m not a selfish, rich jerk but I’m attractive.” “I’m not pretty—which doesn’t matter by the way—but I’m intelligent.” “I’m not stuck up like those pretty, rich people—I’m nice.” “I not an egghead, I’m a good fighter—I could kick the stuffing out of anyone in the room.”
And so it goes. To make ourselves feel good we inflate the value of those things we possess and demean the value of those things we don’t possess—and we demean the value of those people who possess them.
It is important to note that you will have lots of time for whatever you base your self-worth on because we all want to feel valuable.
Thus, if you build your self-worth on how your body looks, you will find it easy to do the things that make it look better. Those who have almost nothing but how their body looks to make them valuable will make plenty of time to fit in the gym, the stylist, doing make-up, getting surgical “enhancements,” etc.
If you base your self-worth on your brains, you will make time for study.
It is easy for those who base their self-worth on their business success to become workaholics. Those who build their value on being attractive to others can become sexaholics. And those who can’t find anything at all to feel good about often become alcoholics. Or they just endlessly entertain themselves via TV, movies, Internet, games, etc.
First, notice that if you build your self-worth on being beautiful, then you are by definition saying that those who are less beautiful than you are less valuable than you. You are also saying that those who are more beautiful are more valuable than you. There’s a pecking order and you’re in it. Of course, this goes for smarts, money, power, and so on. Thus you’ll be proud for being better than others and intimidated by those better than you.
Second, notice that none of these things is inherently valuable. There is no inherent worth to having big biceps or breasts. There is no inherent worth in being able to lift heavy objects and put them back down. There is no inherent worth in being able to hit an object with a stick or foot or hand or racket. There is no inherent worth in pretending to be someone else on the silver screen. There is no inherent worth in having a high IQ. Hitler was intelligent! In our quiet moments, we know this. That’s why most people avoid quiet.
Third, if you are at the top of whatever you base your self-worth on, I absolutely, positively guarantee that you won’t be there for long. Have you seen Muhammad Ali lately? If we opened up Marilyn Monroe’s casket, would you think her beautiful? I used to work for a large national corporation and I would sometimes ask new hires if they knew who the former president of our corporation was. Of course they didn’t. Then I’d tell them the name of the former president and ask them if they cared. Frankly, they didn’t give a rat’s hiney.
And that’s why sexual fantasy is so attractive. For a moment we can forget our worthlessness and be desirable to someone—until we open our eyes.
Of course, there’s something better.
2 Corinthians 10:12, 18: “When they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding…. For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”
Amen.